The Role of Social Comparison in Performance and Wellbeing.

We are social creatures by nature. Our survival has always depended on belonging, working together, protecting one another, raising children as a group. From tribal campfires to modern communities, being part of the collective has provided us with safety, identity, and meaning.

So when we feel excluded or “less than,” it can trigger a deeply primal fear. Imagine sitting at the edge of that ancient campfire, with the darkness and dangers just beyond. Our brains evolved to avoid that isolation, to conform, to fit in, and to compare ourselves with others to know where we stand.

Psychologically, we can imagine a bell curve of performance or social standing. Most people cluster near the middle. When we find ourselves at the lower end, we fear not being good enough; at the higher end, we may fear losing our status. The wider and more visible that curve becomes, the more pressure we feel to know our position, and to hold onto it.

In today’s world, that curve is massively stretched. We are constantly bombarded with images of extraordinary success, athletes, influencers, professionals performing at the top of their game. Social media offers a distorted reality, showing us the highlights of others’ lives without the struggle, failure, or downtime in between. Over time, we start to believe that these extremes are normal. And when the “average” looks impossibly perfect, it’s hard not to feel like we’re falling short.

This constant stream of comparison activates our need to achieve. We begin to measure our worth through visible, quantifiable outcomes: climbing a harder grade, running a faster time, getting a promotion.

Goals can be motivating, they give us direction and structure, but when they stem from fear of inadequacy rather than genuine curiosity or enjoyment, they begin to work against us. Performance becomes about avoiding failure instead of pursuing growth.

When that happens, our attention shifts away from the process, the very thing that makes us perform well, and fixates on the outcome. Anxiety takes over, and performance drops. Instead of moving freely, we become self-conscious, tense, and disconnected from the joy that brought us to the activity in the first place.

This not only undermines our own performance but can also erode our connection with others. When everyone becomes a competitor, we lose the social bonds that make our pursuits meaningful. Shared joy becomes envy; mutual growth becomes rivalry.

And the truth is, there will always be someone better, faster, stronger, more skilled. The key is not to suppress comparison, but to use it differently.

Social comparison isn’t something we can switch off, it’s part of being human. But we can learn to work with it so that it fuels motivation rather than drains confidence.

The first step to managing anything in the mind is noticing. Emotions shape how we see the world, often without us realising. Taking note of what you’re feeling, and how you’re feeling it, is the first step toward doing something about it.

Remind yourself why you started

It probably wasn’t to beat anyone. You began because you enjoyed learning, growing, and feeling your body move. You felt proud of small improvements. You shared those moments with others, over a laugh, a drink, or a story, and that connection made the effort worthwhile.

When comparison starts to creep in, pause and reconnect with that original motivation. Ask yourself:

• What do I actually enjoy about this?

• What part of this challenge feels meaningful to me right now?

Re-anchoring to enjoyment and curiosity helps shift your attention from proving yourself to exploring your potential. After all, this is just an adult form of play.

Refocus on your own process

Everyone’s path is different, shaped by unique bodies, experiences, time, and resources. If you’re performing at your best, that’s the absolute best you can do, and that’s enough. You’ll never experience someone else’s best or worst, so it isn’t worth focusing on.

Let others’ achievements serve as inspiration, not measurement. When you catch yourself comparing, compare instead to your own past self, yesterday, six months ago, two years ago. Look at how far you’ve come. How proud would your past self be? And how far could you go if you just keep doing your best?

Be present

Social comparison lives in the thinking part of the brain. And while a bit of anxiety can boost performance, too much can be paralysing.

Bring your focus back to your body, the textures under your fingers, the tension through your muscles, the rhythm of your breath. This focus not only steers you away from spiralling thoughts, it also helps your brain learn what it’s doing. You’ll move better, feel more grounded, and prepare your mind for visualising success, though that’s a topic for another post.

Connect with others

Ironically, comparison disconnects us from the very people who could support and inspire us. We start seeing potential allies as competitors. Try reversing that. Celebrate someone else’s success. Offer encouragement. Ask for tips.

When you turn competition into connection, the environment feels safer, more enjoyable, and more collaborative, and you’re far more likely to take risks, learn, and perform well.

Bringing it all together

The next time you feel the pull of comparison, whether at the wall, at work, or anywhere else, remember this:

Notice it. Name it. Come back to your body and your purpose.

Each time you do, you’re retraining your brain to perform from presence rather than pressure. That’s where growth, flow, and genuine joy begin.